Wednesday, June 26, 2013

no h8

i'm not gay, though a friend of mine does joke that i am a lesbian who likes penis and my husband is a gay may who likes vagina. i'd say i'm pretty textbook hetero... as long as that textbook has a standard exception for "that one time in college." BUT. what if i was a lesbian? would you love me any less? would you value me any less? could you look me in the eye and tell me i should be relegated to a lesser set of rights and protections than you? if you answered "yes" to any of those questions, then we are not going to be friends.

i'm somewhat ashamed to admit that i actually do have a couple of "friends" posting ridiculous bigotry online today in the wake of the Supreme Court's decisions on DOMA and Prop 8. if you are really really old and/or related to me then i give you a tentative pass because i can't really bring myself to divorce grandpas and grandmas and family, but otherwise, this seems like the perfect opportunity for some "spring cleaning" on facebook. DM actually prohibited me from getting on FB today because i get so worked up over stuff like this. (i disobeyed ;)) i don't mean i get "upset." i mean, basically, steam starts coming out of my ears and i can't think or eat or sleep and i give myself panic attacks. my primary care physician actually recommended that i not watch/listen to the news in general because i am such a stressball. sigh. i know some people get hurt feelings about being deleted from FB and i guess i can see that, but DM made a valid point when discussing it the other night - if you were at a party or whatever and someone started spouting shit you found offensive and which incited a burning sense of rage in your soul, you wouldn't stick around to listen to it and you sure as hell wouldn't invite that person to your parties anymore, right? so why subject yourself to that BS in the virtual world? yes, i am creating my own little utopia where everyone believes that all humans should be treated equally under the law. so fucking sue me.

my happy little world will be wallpapered with rainbows, and unicorns will abound, and there will be singing. lots of singing. today, the king of rainbow unicorn land is my little bro, who just "came out" on facebook. most everyone he knows already knew that he was gay, or at the very least suspected, based on the guy liner and the v-necks and the uber-tight girl jeans he buys at forever 21. but some people didn't know or suspect (don't underestimate the power of denial) and based on their vocal anti-gay and/or anti-gay marriage comments, may or may not react all that well. i am so proud of, and nervous for, my brave, beautiful baby brother. i have loved that boy with all my heart from the instant he graced our world 22 years ago. he had a whole welcoming party at the hospital when he arrived, which is befitting. with the 11 year age difference, i always sort of felt he was my very own. when my mom and stepdad died when brother was only 7, that only served to underscore my sense of responsibility and fierce mama bear protectiveness of him. it makes me so sad that Mom and Stepdad aren't around to see the amazing and really really ridiculously good looking young man he's become (and also to maybe convince him, as we have yet to do, to expedite the whole 8 year college plan ;)) i know they would be so, SO proud of the strong, thoughtful, brilliant, creative and independent man he has grown up to be.

i had a dream last night (in the few hours i slept between stressing about the Supreme Court rulings) that my brother and sister and mom and stepdad and stepgrams and stepgramps and DM and the littles and i were all sitting on funky quilts on a huge sunny porch in san francisco. it didn't feel like SF, because it was sunny and HOT, but it was. there was an enormous rainbow flag hanging off the porch and tons of happy noisy people in the street below. "Flash" the nearly nude rollerblader from pacific beach was also there in a glittery thong with rainbow butt cheeks and a mini american flag wedged between them. we were celebrating something and toasting with Wet Woodys and Mom and Stepdad were having a friendly disagreement about the proper proportion of the ingredients. i don't dream of them often anymore and this one really stood out because it seemed so real but at the same time part of me knew that it was a dream, and i was acutely aware of the fact that we were all just enjoying each other's company as "grown-ups" which is something my siblings and i never had the opportunity to do with our parents and something i really "miss" even though i never actually experienced it. it's weird too because two nights in a row now mister J has woken up in the middle of the night scared, saying "someone" was in his room. maybe this is something that kids just say. i remember i used to be completely convinced that the incredible hulk was in my room when i was little. nevertheless DM and i were both looking at each other like "what the crap?!" and i sent a little mental note into the heavens that if it is them haunting us, please come to my room, not the babies', because they wake up enough on their own as it is! but who knows. maybe they've been visiting, in spirit, to celebrate my brother and equality and summer and love.

okay ANYWAY. here's what my brother said. i love it and i love him. and if you have anything other than utter positivity in response to this, then i kindly invite you to take a long walk off a short pier.

Today is a fabulous day! In case you hadn't heard, the Supreme Court's ruling has officially overturned California's 2008 gay marriage ban, as well as the Defense Of Marriage Act. This is welcome news not just because I'm a bleeding heart ...liberal. I'm ecstatic because it affects me personally. Most of you know, some of you probably suspect, and an even smaller portion of my Facebook friends are unaware of this fact: I'M GAY. Phew! That was really hard to type. But it's something I've been meaning to do for a while. Here's why: Women won the right to vote in 1913. Racial segregation in schools was deemed unconstitutional in 1954. Though both women and African-Americans are "equal" in the eyes of the law, racism and sexism still exist today in shocking amounts. And this in spite of the fact that pretty much everyone has family/friends/acquaintances in both of these minority groups. That isn't the case for homosexuality. For too long have we hid our true selves. We've pretended that we could be "normal", some of us have even been subjected to "fixing". I for one have censored my Facebook posts and restricted content because I was worried about what people would think. But I say no more. I want everyone I know to know who I truly am; and being gay is part of that. It doesn't define me just like your eye color doesn't define you. I'm sorry for being long winded, but this is a big step towards true equality. I hope that by stepping all the way out of the closet, I can be an example of what I wish everyone could be: proud of who they are. I also hope to change a few minds. Who knows, maybe you've known me my whole life and the idea of treating me as lesser doesn't sit right with you. Maybe now that you "know a gay", you won't vote to take away my rights. Maybe we can talk as friends/family without secrets between us. Maybe, one day, you can congratulate me for walking down the aisle with the man of my dreams.

Happy Marriage Equality Day, California.

Happy Pride Month, USA.