Wednesday, September 25, 2013

water is wet, and other reasons my kids cry

Big kids don't cry. Just kidding.

Okay, I know this is a played-out concept, but this is my life, so here are my unofficial submissions to the "reasons my kid is crying" phenomenon... (i'm like tee-ball and these guys - Jason Good & Greg Pembroke - are major league).

When we hang out with people who are not familiar with Jack's ways, we often hear "What's the matter?/What's wrong with him?/Is everything alright?/Please for the love of God and everything Holy DO SOMETHING TO STOP THAT RACKET!" I have to assure them that it's perfectly normal for my children (mainly the bigger one) to scream like someone set their hair on fire for any number of reasons, e.g.,

He wants to go to the water park, but he doesn't want to get wet.

A wave splashed him at the beach.

His sister splashed him in the pool/bathtub.

She threw something out of reach, and she's mad because she can't reach it.

IT SMELLS LIKE TOAST.

She wants to stick scissors in her ear.

His shirt isn't long enough.

His shirt is too long.

Mom said he couldn't wear PJs to school.

Mom chose to wear a skirt to work instead of pants.

Dad wanted to change out of his work clothes before snuggling his peanut-butter-coated children. (And by "peanut butter" I mean locally-sourced almond butter processed in an American factory that does not even think about peanuts.)

The sandbox ate his socks.

His "weinow" is "[s]tuck." Don't ask.

He wanted to try the hot sauce. And I let him.

She drank bubbles.

His feet got sandy at the beach.

We didn't call him "The Blue Player."

We called him "The Blue Player" at the wrong time.

We poorly played the part of the adoring baseball fans.

We said "Good job!"

We didn't say "Good job!"

She wants to take off her own shirt but she can't take off her own shirt.

She wants to be IN the bath and OUT of the bath AT THE SAME TIME.

His sister wants a hug.

His sister doesn't want a hug.

He didn't want to have his picture taken, so we took the picture without him.

I wouldn't let her OD on baby tylenol.

I wouldn't let him OD on gummy vitamins.

I wouldn't let him rip the nose off his teddy bear so that it matched his cousin's.

I didn't buy him a "supwise" for not crying.

He "would like to be a gwown up," which to him entails drinking adult beverages out of glasses and playing with knives. Because he gets to 'at [s]chool.'

I would not let him have an Oreo pop for breakfast.

I forgot to bring a delicious and nutritious snack buffet for the 90 second car ride home.

She handed me a half-eaten banana and I didn't have it when she asked for it 45 minutes later.


also check out these jill greenberg photos of crying babies. hilarious and heart breaking.


2 comments:

  1. Its like you are in our house! My 5 yr old is getting better but for the past 4 years this has been my life. I also have a 15 month boy so I'm sure the next 4 years will be the same thing.

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    Replies
    1. It lasts until they're FIVE?! Dear lord! ;) Well, at least there's a light at the end of the tunnel. And it makes for funny stories :)

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