Thursday, October 24, 2013

whoa mother goose

last night Jack started singing a song in the bathtub about a baby bumblebee. it sort of rang a bell but i didn't really remember it so i looked it up and found a youtube video. okay. that's weird enough. but then i read the entire lyrics somewhere -

I'm bringing home my baby bumble bee
Won't my Mommy be so proud of me
I'm bringing home my baby bumble bee -
OUCH!! It stung me!!

I'm squishin' up my baby bumble bee
Won't my Mommy be so proud of me
I'm squishin' up my baby bumble bee -
EW!! What a mess!!

I'm lickin' up my baby bumble bee
Won't my Mommy be so proud of me
I'm lickin' up my baby bumble bee -
ICK!! I feel sick!!

I'm throwin' up my baby bumble bee
Won't my Mommy be so proud of me
I'm throwin' up my baby bumble bee -
OH!! What a mess!!

I'm wipin' up my baby bumble bee
Won't my Mommy be so proud of me
I'm wipin' up my baby bumble bee -
OOPS!! Mommy's new towel!!

I'm wringin' out my baby bumble bee
Won't my Mommy be so proud of me
I'm wringing out my baby bumble bee -
Bye-Bye baby bumble bee!!

ummm, WTF?! at first i was like, okay, WHAT are they teaching my kid at this crazy school? they're not allowed to have cupcakes but they can mangle and masticate baby bumblebees? then i stopped because i realized i sounded kind of ridiculous. "bumble bees have rights, too, man!" "and what if he was allergic to bees, huh?!? HE COULD HAVE DIED!!!!!" okay. seriously though. did it have to be a baby bumblebee? and did the kid have to smash it, eat it, then regurgitate it? i'm pretty sure this might be one of the major indicators of sociopathic behavior down the road. oh well. at least he tried to clean it up. and i really like the part about using Mommy's brand new hand-embroidered tea towel that she way-overpaid for on Etsy, because that is exactly what would happen in real life. sorry about the baby bee guts on your new towel, Mommy! hopefully you can find some helpful laundering tricks on Pinterest!!! :)

i actually found it interesting that my son liked this song so much, seeing as, in real life, when a bee comes within 37 feet of him he runs and screams bloody murder like he's being chased by a psycho chupacabra sent from hell to exact personal revenge.

I guess the baby bumblebee bloodbath shouldn't come as a total surprise... Most of my old nursery rhyme faves are pretty creepy when you think about it. I remember a couple of books we had too, Aesop's Fables and Grimm's Fairytales, that scared the living daylights out of me. I still loved them though. I googled "creepy nursery rhymes" and found a wealth of information on this subject. Apparently I am not very original. I liked this bit - 11 Beloved Nursery Rhymes That Kids Should Never Hear by Erica Souter on The Stir/Cafe Mom (Sorry, I know, at least for me, slide shows are super freaking annoying on your phone. In case you can't read it yourself,  I'll give you the highlights - "Now I lay me down to sleep ... If I die before I wake...Wait, what?" Yeahhhh, THAT oughtta help me send my little angel peacefully off to dreamland! Me: "It's okay honey, close your eyes." Kid: "Helllll no!" "Allouette" is apparently about plucking the feathers from a poor lark's head. Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater is guilty of false imprisonment, holding his wife in an old pumpkin under duress. The Three Blind Mice didn't get the best lot in life. Jack of Jack-and-Jill fame cracked open his dome, so that sucks. "Sing a Song of Sixpence" is straight out of "The Birds." I'm rather fond of my nose, and I'm freaking terrified of fowl, so this one's definitely not my fave. "Rock-a-bye Baby" sounds more like a threat than a lullaby. You will sleep, or else. Ring Around the Rosie - a charming take on mass death by plague. Also, someone might want to alert CPS re: the Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe. Maybe now that she'll have free access to birth control.... ;)) And what about the Old Lady who Swallowed a Fly? Perhaps she'll die?! Surely medical advancements are such that she could survive this fate?! Finally, in "It's Raining, It's Pouring," the poor old man seems to have knocked himself into a coma. Wait a minute. I'm starting to see a pattern here... Maybe I should call the ACLU regarding a potential age discrimination suit? ;)

So... Anyway... Sweet dreams!

Oh wait, since we're talking about bees and weirdness, my favorite quote about bees (courtesy of my sister-in-law)-

"Or what? You’ll release the dogs, or the bees, or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you? Well, go ahead—do your worst!"

- Homer Simpson

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