Wednesday, November 20, 2013

for crying it out loud

i am furious, and getting furiouser as i sit and steep in my furiousness.

back story. colby jean has been fighting naps and bedtimes with a vengeance for the past couple of days. i would like to blame it on our weekend trip/unfamiliar surroundings/change in routine and pray it will work its way out of her system sooner than later, but she was already showing signs of sleep issues last week - waking up hollering 5-10 minutes after we put her down a couple of nights - which she has never done before. last night was the worst yet. it took an hour to get her down, and she was up every 2 hours during the night. normally, we put her down in her bed awake and she smiles at us and rolls over to snuggle with her lovey, and that's all she wrote until the next morning. the last few nights, it's been a battle to even put her down, let alone leave the room. and she's in a big-girl bed (has been for almost 2 months now), so we can't just walk away, due to her pesky tendency to make a break for it like she's bustin' out of alcatraz. once we finally do get her to lie down and close her eyes, we're stranded for the next 30-60 minutes, because she seems to have developed a sixth sense and her eyeballs pop open at the slightest movement. it sucks. (before you start hating me for complaining about two days of sleep-crazy, please know, i already paid my dues. if you had told me when jack was wee that there are babies in the world who go to bed without a fuss, sleep through the night, and actually have to be woken up to eat, i would have punched you in the face. but i now know that this rare and mythical creature does in fact exist.)

i was kind of whining about colby's aberrant sleep psychosis but then DM reminded me that we have been extremely spoiled with this girl, and she is entitled to her fair share of dickery. jack tortured us for 10 months straight, gave us somewhat of a reprieve, and then got right back down to the business of sustained sleep deprivation when his little sister was born. he's still usually "the short straw" at bedtime. it's been two nights. give the girl a break.

so. DM just informed me that when he dropped colby off at daycare this morning, the daycare girl asked how she was doing, and he mentioned that she'd woken up screaming five times the night prior, and had been up since 5am, but was in a suprisingly good mood, considering. the daycare girl put on her judgy face and reminded DM that colby hadn't napped the day before, either. then she asked if we were making colby "cry it out." DM said, no, not really, but we'd discussed it this morning as a potential option. daycare girl responded, "well, you need to do that because, you know, what you do at home affects us here, too."

um, i'm sorry, what?!?!? as colby would say, phuuuuuuck youuuuuuuu.

first off. you are 27 years old and you don't drive and you still live with your parents, so forgive me if you're not my go-to source for parenting advice.

second, this is your job. handle your sh*t. i don't complain to my employer when my job sucks. you shouldn't, either.

third, colby is basically an angel baby. i mean, this is the first time we're even having this discussion because this is the first and only time in the 20 months she's been alive that she's caused a fuss two nights in a row. so you'll excuse me for cutting the kid some freakin' slack.

fourth, the "~18 month sleep regression" is an actual thing, if the "sleep experts" are to be believed, and apparently it tends to be the most difficult one. i just don't think she's doing this to spite us. also, seeing as you are a child care provider, you may be aware that children do whatever they damn well please a lot of the time, despite the best efforts of the large humans in their lives.

fifth, last time i checked, colby is our child. where in the folkenflik do you get off telling us how to parent her?! (i'm not even against CIO, at least in theory, though with jack i could never stomach the no-holds-barred ferber version. and also, it seems moot now that she is fully mobile and no longer sleeping in a baby cage. i'm sorry but i'm not going to lock her in her room. what i am against is people telling me how i "need" to raise my kid.)

lest you start wondering why on God's green earth i'm leaving my precious daughter's care to such an asshat, it's actually a two-person, father-daughter operation, and usually, the daughter half of the equation is, by all appearances, very good with kids, and both of mine seem to like her. but still. it's like freaking "Katie's Korner" from jack's old preschool where a childless pubescent wrote articles about how feeding my kids chicken nuggets is poison and how i should be introducing classical music, shakespeare, and age-appropriate, educational craft projects into my evening routine.

am i being an A-hole? probably. oh well.
i know what i'm getting daycare girl for christmas
kittie franz quote by mb art studios on etsy

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