Wednesday, February 26, 2014

the shit show, part deux

continued from "the shit show, part I."

friday morning. headed to the airport. as we're on the shuttle from parking lot, i say to DM, "crap! i didn't get a ticket with our parking space on it, did you?" he replies, "no. but it's fine. i'll remember where we parked. it's not that big a lot, anyway." (for those of you who were english majors, you may recognize this as a literary device called foreshadowing.)

the flight to mexico is dicey. i mean, i guess it could have been worse. but i would rather undergo a two-hour bikini wax or minor oral surgery. we had decided to save a few hundred bucks by having colby fly as a lap baby, but i would have paid in gold for an extra seat at the time. then there is the joy that is the mexican car-rental experience. let's just say that "air conditioner" is a term loosely defined, and i am shocked that the vehicle did not spontaneously combust for the duration of our trip.

we finally arrive at the condo, and are happily surprised by the place. however, it seems to be an expat retirement community. it is very serene and quiet. or, it was. resulting from a dangerous combination of hunger, exhaustion, travel, and sickness, both of our children lose their muther-luvin minds that evening. as DM said, "good thing we're in a catholic country. we should be able to find a decent exorcist." seriously. they were possessed. it was OUT of control. i am shocked that mexico's version of CPS did not come knocking on our door. i cannot convey in words how painful it was. i am prone to hyperbole, and say at least once a week that i am having the worst day of my life, so the phrase has lost some of its impact coming from me. but happy-go-lucky DM is generally mr. positivity, and by the time we belly-crawled our bruised and battered selves back to our room after the epic bedtime battle, he said, "barring death and life-threatening illness and injury, i think that may have been the worst day of my entire life. top five, easy. at the very least, that was the absolute worst valentine's day in history. but, i'm glad i got to spend it with you." *swoon.* don't be jealous of our love ;)

the next day was sort of alright, except we had to get groceries and set up shop, so we did not get to take full advantage of our locale. naptime and bedtime again were harrowing experiences that drove us to the brink, and to the drink. i can happily report, however, that after 33 years and 23 months, i have turned the corner with respect to the consumption of beer. after bonding over MGD's with step-grams and my bro a couple of weeks ago, i've seen this pee-drink in a new light. i think DM fell in love with me all over again. he said, "if i had a blog, i would write a post about how, just when i thought i really knew you, you walk out onto the porch, sit down, and crack open a tecate at 2pm." (doesn't sound like the most interesting blog post, but hey, at least he'd have brevity on his side ;))

trying to find my happy place
sunday was pretty perfect. it was exactly as we had envisioned our "vacation" to be. i think we still had a hard time fully enjoying ourselves though. we were both suffering from a mild-to-moderate case of PTSD from friday, and were just waiting for the other shoe to drop. we had also caught "the crud" from the kiddos, and found little joy in tequila, which is quite out of character. still. the whole trip might have been worth it. if it weren't for...

(to be continued . . . )
you can't see it in this picture, but there were approximately 700,320 birds on this beach.
i don't know if it's always like that or they were just hovering there because it was turtle-hatching season
and they wanted a piece of the turtle baby buffet. in any event. birds f*cking terrify me.
not only were there hordes of seagulls, there were actual vultures circling in the sky.
it was downright hitchcockian.
the worst part was that there was not a square foot of beach without bird shit on it.
i'm surprised we didn't contract avian poop flu.
now see? what if i just posted this to facebook with a caption like, "live your bliss?"
that would be "choosing joy," i guess ;)

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