Wednesday, April 16, 2014

you mad, bro?

why is the internet so crabby? i feel as though that "grumpy cat" meme perfectly personifies (catifies?) the interwebs.

having a good day? here. let the world wide web piss on your parade.

i guess i should be thankful that my blog is not popular enough to attract it's own trolls. but i still come across it all the time.

"i love being a mom. it's the best thing EVER."
internet: smug bitch. correction. smug lying bitch.

"my children are slowly driving me insane."
internet: are you saying you don't love your children? children are a blessing.
i can't even have children. how do you think that makes me feel?
i was planning on having children. but that blog post just totally ruined it for me. thanks a lot.
children are a gift from GOD. ARE YOU SAYING YOU HATE GOD???!!!

"awww. look at this funny, touching video about how being a mom is a hard work."
internet: whatever. being a mom is not even the toughest job in the world. there are several jobs that violate international labor standards that are WAY harder.
anyway. what are you saying. that you view your children as a JOB?
and do you mean to imply that women cannot do meaningful work outside the private sphere?
and what about women that don't have children? are OUR jobs less important than YOUR job?
and you call yourself a feminist. you should be ashamed of yourself.
and what about DADS, huh?! do you hate men?! i feel sorry for your husband. you obviously suck in bed.

"awww. look at this awesome makeover of a homeless veteran."
internet: whoopity-doo. you gave the guy a freakin' haircut. i'll be sure to notify the nobel prize committee. you are aware there are 57, 848 other homeless veterans, aren't you? are you going to give them makeovers, too? or at least a sandwich? or are you just going to let them starve to death while this dude chillaxes at supercuts?!

"awww. look at these kind strangers responding to this lonely old man who didn't want to spend Christmas alone."
internet: nice. now he's a lonely old man with a shit ton of mail from people he doesn't even know.

"omg! i invented a vaccine for the common cold!"
internet: talk to me when you cure cancer. oh, and p.s., vaccines cause autism. haven't you ever heard of jenny mccarthy?

"look at this sweet video of pharrell reacting to people around the world singing 'happy'"
internet: that's a conspiracy propagated by mainstream media in order to effectuate their evil plan for world domination through mind control. like that song "relax" in zoolander.
also, oprah is the antichrist.

"you guys! a baby napping with a puppy!"

internet: i'm allergic to dogs. and children.

"okayyyy. how about... THIS:"

bunnies too. or ginormous gerbils. or rodents of unusual size. whatever that thing is, i'm definitely allergic to it. also i'm pretty sure that is not politically correct. you just handed the latino vote to ted cruz. way to go.


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