Friday, July 25, 2014

say what you mean to say

can someone please buy a cat and name it pico de gato? just pico for short.

i can't. i'm allergic.

i also want bunnies, named fern and myrtle. or paisley and argyle. or all of the above. but i'm highly allergic to bunnies as well, which i discovered in college when my sister and i went and bought a bunny (i think we named it sushi or egg roll) and my face promptly puffed shut. FOILED AGAIN.

breathing is highly overrated. JUST LOOK AT THEM.
oh wait. i can't. my eyes are swollen shut.
this reminds me of a story my mom used to tell. she taught these management classes, and one of the themes was being honest and straightforward about the reasoning and motivation behind your actions and decisions. otherwise, people will find a way around it, or back you off your position. she used this anecdote to illustrate the point: apparently, when i was little, i really wanted a cat. we had a dog, (my mom and dad's first "child,") and in addition, my mom hated cats, so it wasn't in the cards. but when i asked for a cat, she said, "we don't really have room for another pet." i responded, "can we have a cat if we move to a bigger house?" she replied, "well, katie (the dog) doesn't like cats." me: "when katie dies can we get a cat?" finally my mom came clean and said, "we can't get a cat because I do not like cats." me: "well, when you die can we get a cat?"

so... this was a funnier story before my mom actually died. ha. whoops. this was also before we learned that i was violently allergic to cats. oh well. pico de gato will remain forever a dream.

still, it's a good lesson. i am THE WORST at this. it's why our social calendar has been booked solid since february. i don't even know how it happens, but we just always have plans. every year i swear "never again," and yet every year i end up like a doctor on some terrible HMO plan, saying, "hmmm, yes, i think can pencil you in for a quick lunch three months from now." i don't mean for this to sound like, wah wah wah, it is soooo hard being soooo popular and having soooo many friends. i am BLESSED, and for once i'm not using that term sarcastically. i am very lucky that there are people who know how bat shit crazy i am and still want to hang out with me. but still. THE PLANS. it can get a little out of hand. i really do need to get better at saying no, being more judicious with the precious minutes i have to spend with my family, and not always succumbing to "shoulds" and "FOMO."

i'm the person that says "we should totally get together!" and then the other person says, "okay what time?" and i'm like, "shit." or i post online, "yay, can't wait for my wonderful Caribbean getaway!" and then someone says, "omg, when are you going? us too! we have to meet up!" and then i'm spending a day of valuable vacation time ziplining with some random facebook friend i'm not sure i ever actually knew in real life. or like, e-vites. since when did it become socially unacceptable to just politely decline? now it's like, if you say no, you have to have an airtight alibi for your nonattendance.

or say, for example, someone mentions having a get-together. before my brain even catches up, my trap flies open and i'm like, "we'll host! and i'll make themed appetizers! and mini cupcakes! whoooo wants oreo pops?!?" let's have so-and-so over and order pizza. "how about a bento-box picnic on the beach instead? with handmade heart-shaped sushi rolls?!" what's going on this weekend? "oh, we're booked for three toddler birthday parties on saturday, hope you don't mind!" superbowl party with beer and bbq? "i'll look up edible appetizer football stadiums on pinterest! let's invite the whole neighborhood!"*

seriously, i would try to do this.
as DM says, "you are the most social anti-social person i have ever met." i mean, i actually want to do most of these things, theoretically. but as soon as it's out of my mouth i usually regret it. then i have anxiety for a week and don't sleep and stay up all night crafting goal posts out of pretzel sticks

i really have no one to blame but myself (and pinterest). it's so hardwired, though. to be polite, to join, to feel the need to explain yourself, etcetera. but there is a beauty in just saying no. it's very liberating. the other day, my sister asked me if i wanted to do some yoga and beer thing on a saturday morning, and i was like, nope! i want to do nothing. my "plans," for once, are to do exactly zero things.

i'm not saying i want to be needlessly rude or hurt anyone's feelings. there's a time and a place for a little fudging here and there. but generally, i want to surround myself with people who won't hold it against me when they invite me out on a Friday night, and i just say, "no thanks! it's Friday night cozies!" (ps, do you know there is a Swedish word for this? fredagsmys. it literally means, like, "Friday + cozy" - chillaxin' on the couch in your comfies, drinking, eating snacks, and watching crappy television. i have to give credit to the swedes for coining the term, but i actually can't imagine anything much more American ;)

"how beautiful it is to do nothing, and then rest afterward." - spanish proverb

and if i do invite you over, don't be sad if there aren't any color-coordinated cake pops. you're getting stale sriracha popcorn in a dubiously clean bowl. drink enough beers and it will be delicious.

happy fredagsmys, friends!

*note. these are hypotheticals. it is highly unlikely that i am talking about you, specifically.

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