Tuesday, December 2, 2014

in the spirit of thanktidude

I meant to post this on Thanksgiving, but then, I didn't.

It was gonna be a TBT + Thanksgiving Double Whammy. It's a Facebook post from Thanksgiving 5 years ago... when I was a couple weeks away from embarking on a (belated) sun-drenched, rum-infused month-long honeymoon to Costa Rica and Nicaragua. Unbeknownst to me, I was actually like 2 weeks pregnant at the time, and the honeymoon would be less rum-infused and more fainting, barfing, and spending time in a Nicaraguan ER. Can't win 'em all!

Anyway, pre-beastie-babies, this is what I was thankful for:

iced coffee from 7-11, and crunchy soda fountain ice at am/pm. < shit. where's an AM/PM?! get in my mouth, crunchy ice!

tj maxx, ross, and marshalls... and holiday sales at cost plus/world market and tarszhay. < who isn't thankful for this. 

my house. < and my job, so I can pay the mortgage on said house.

my best buddy, Ole Blue, in any of her many iterations... sleeping curled up in a black furry ball, or on her back in faux-rigor-mortis, snoring like a fat old man, snuggling, spazzing, displaying inappropriate behavior towards chew toys, or tending fastidiously to a bone with her legs splayed out behind her like a frog. < awwwww :( I love our new furry baby to bits but there will only ever be one Blue!

emoji :) < and exclamation points!

it's November and its 75 degrees outside. < this.

my husband is not a douchebag. in fact, just the opposite. he is the best friend, partner, and accomplice a girl could ask for. also best bartender and mixer of powdered beverages. makes my heart hurt. in a good way.

eggnog and Christmas music.

the best group of friends, EVER. < seriously. sixteen years later and still going strong. you know those friends with whom you have a collective consciousness? them. there are memories and sayings that I honestly don't even know if I was there for, but it feels like they are in my own mind. from verdrunken no-pants parties in college to family barbecues, quarterly baby showers, and grown up cocktails, I wouldn't trade them for the world.

my new laptop that takes less than 17 minutes to accomplish any given task.

my sister, brother, pops, and of course my nephew, mister bacon bit, who i'd choose even if they weren't already family... not to mention my in-laws who are pretty awesome too.

trader joe's and sprouts and farmers markets and other places you can buy affordable, non-carcinogenic food. < don't get me wrong. there's a time and a place for carcinogenic food, e.g., Friday nights.

the Encinitas public library. < the best.

birth control. < yeah. still a big fan. but opting for more reliable methods (i.e. ones that are a little more forgiving of human error).

the sheer magnitude of calories burned in hot yoga. < I don't care if i'll gain it all back before morning, I just lost three pounds, bitches!

blockbuster nights. < remember blockbuster??? sub Netflix. or better yet, sub my bed and a good book.

cheese. bread. cheeseandbread. manhattan giant pizza and pillsbury crescent rolls. alcoholic beverages derived from grapes. cholula, tobasco, chili garlic and sweet chili sauce. ranch. garlic salt. avocados. lima beans. berries. fresh-squeezed oj. real whipped cream. crepes. < and sriracha. whenever we meet new people, one of the first things my husband likes to say is that i'm a vegetarian who hates vegetables. they inevitably look at me strangely and ask, "so, what DO you eat?" first of all, this is an exaggeration. I like at least three vegetables. second of all, in what universe is a diet of bread, dairy and condiments not okay? do you hate America or something???

the (friends of) humane society de tijuana and the amazing work they do. even the spanglish name has grown on me.

people that give the courtesy wave... let you cut in line when you only have one item in your basket... and all other random acts of kindness. < seriously! the courtesy wave. some basic human decency is all i ask. 

a $12 pedicure, even if its a little scary. < fuck that. i'm too old for that shit.

flowers and funny love notes. < I remember those. sigh.

dinners out, not to mention the fact that we can afford them. sort of. < I remember those. sigh. I appreciate them TEN TIMES MORE now!

bev-mo's 5 cent wine sales. < I appreciate them TEN TIMES MORE now!

facebook's privacy settings. < Remember when Facebook had privacy settings and wasn't in collusion with the NSA and the thought police?

working from home. < when the children are at school.

long-ass and hilarious email threads with my besties. < makes working at work bearable.

the baskin robbin's employee who asked me if i had a preference, top or bottom (for my scoops of ice cream, of course!) < does baskin robbins even exist anymore?

street fairs. and etsy - the mega street fair of the internet super highway.

funfetti cupcakes and homemade cookie dough.

i am thankful in advance for the kindle that santa is bringing me for christmas! < funny! santa is bringing me a new one this year, my ghetto five year old model finally bit the dust.

plane tickets to and from central America - we're finally taking a honeymoon, woot! < DO-OVER!

mochi balls. except the green tea flavor that tastes like an ash tray.

thanksgiving in delaware that will consist of sitting, chatting, watching football, and eating. and eating. and eating. my kind o' party! < i do love the persian thanksgiving in DE but i was also very thankful for our quiet thanksgiving and no airplane travel this year!

the fact i no longer have to buy a whole cd with 13 songs i don't like. sorry eddie veder and other itunes haters.

clean public bathrooms. < More than ever now, as my little people are guaranteed to touch at least thirteen surfaces with their bare hands/asses.

a cold rainy morning. < slightly less appreciative of these now, as it means I'm stuck inside with three stir-crazy Tasmanian devils.

live music in small venues.

obama. and michelle. < sigh. i still love michelle. and i want to give Obama a hug.

push up bras and anti-muffin-top thongs. < preach!

the fact that i don't have to use books to shepardize cases (or conduct legal research in general). < can you imagine??? what did people do before the internet?

brunch! < sigh. brunch. that glorious, sleepy sunday pastime of the childless class. now it's more like, a greased pig race and an eating contest all rolled into one. not quite the same.

the retired sheriffs volunteer patrol. < serving new grandpas daily!

and I would probably add a couple of items for 2014:

my children. as much as I want to throw them in the river for fish food, they give my life joy and meaning, blah blah blah. seriously though. they give me all of that. also gray hairs.

parents who are not assholes. and kids who are not assholes. (I haven't actually found any yet, but a girl can dream.)


my friends (and family) who still love me even though I am an asshole parent.

bounty select-a-size paper towels, honest baby wipes, and economy packs of toilet paper.

back-up cameras. particularly in the preschool parking lot.

my real, big-girl camera that is almost fast enough to catch my children moving at normal child speeds a.k.a. faster than the speed of light (except when you are trying to get out of the house on time. then? slower than molasses). 

The Google and amazon prime.

and this. the motherfucking grilled cheese cronut. you can actually cross out the 53 items above and leave just this one:

photo: huff post taste

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